Love: The Standard Operating Procedure

My Nana is 98. She’s well, old, and sometimes it shows. For example, she thinks Luk Chaai, who is a rather energetic, all-boy, four-year-old male, is a girl.

Nana also has a tendency to repeat things. Ying, who is three, shares the same tendency. It makes for an interesting visit sometimes.

On Sunday, Nana kept asking what happened to Ying’s other arm. Before we got there, Nana had torn apart something. So, Ying, for her part, kept asking why Nana had shredded the item. Apparently my answers satisfied neither of them because they both kept asking. It was good times, especially because about fifteen minutes in Luk Chaai got bored and made no secret of the fact that he wanted to GO. As we were packing it up, I wanted to ask myself why we do it.

But I know why we go. I go because I love my Nana. But I also go because I was taught to. Sometimes it would be a heck of a lot easier to skip visiting, but Nana gets a kick out of seeing Ying and Luk Chaai. Plus, I want my children to know something: love is a policy. 

Shortly after I was married my grandfather became quite ill. I flew home, leaving my new groom solo for our first Thanksgiving (thankfully friends invited him over). I went to my grandfather’s nursing home to pick him up. I hugged him and told him I was there to take him to Thanksgiving dinner. “I can’t go with you,”  he told me. When I asked him why not he said said he’d already told the woman in the yellow sweater he would go home with her. I looked around. There was no woman in a yellow sweater.

Love is a policy.

This wasn’t the first time my grandfather had become confused. Many months before he’d mistakenly believed that his neighbor, John, was acting nefariously. When the neighbor came over to speak to my grandfather, my grandfather snubbed John. About 20 minutes later, my grandfather’s lucidity returned and he realized what he’d done. He asked me to go next door with him, where he apologized to John.

I learned something that day.

Love is a policy.

When things aren’t easy, when life gets complicated, when getting out is easier than staying in – love is a policy.