When It Comes Undone

Whenever changes are afloat, I start out sailing smoothly. But after days of uneven waters, I tend to lose it.

I make headway on the To Do list. I call and email all the needed people it takes to get things done. But then a moment comes. It’s that moment when I’m stirfrying but I can’t find my stirfry spoon or it’s when someone, who has been asked not to screech repeatedly, screeches a little too loud and too long. In that moment, I come undone.

In that moment I forget that the issue is a cooking utensil or a kid being a (crazy) kid. Instead I hear “Really, you think you can do that? You can’t even do this.” or “You don’t get to whine and complain. You’re the one who thought you could have it all.”

The self doubt, the emotional exhaustion, the patience of a gnat – it doesn’t come from someplace good.

We tell ourselves and our kids to always give 110%. Malarkey. If we’re going to embrace this life and not endure it, then sometimes you just can’t. Some days you need to do enough to just get by. Some days you need to pack it in long before quitting time.

You need to build your strength back up. You need to be able to get back to a place where you can feel the rush of the water between your fingers, even when you’re just doing dishes. You need to be able to feel the warmth of the sun on your cheek and to know that it shone for you.

You need to get back to the place where you can put it back together when it comes undone.