In the movie Charade, Sylvie says to her friend Audrey Hepburn, “It’s infuriating that your unhappiness doesn’t turn to fat.” How true. Not only do our own body flaws annoy us, but the fact that other people don’t seem to struggle with those same issues can be just downright maddening. These days I have a new consciousness about body image, both in relation to what I’m projecting about my own body and how I view other people.
I’d like to believe that I’m pretty comfortable in my own skin. I’ve navigated the phases -- wanting curly hair when I had straight, wanting to be thinner when I should have just wanted to be healthier, etc… -- and made it to the other side. The other side being acknowledgement, if not complete acceptance, that this is who I am.
How does the saying go? We spend all of our time as teenagers trying to look the same and all of our lives as adults proving we’re different. It’s not just that I’m no longer striving to be like everyone else, these days I’m happy that I’m different. But what happens when someday my daughter wants to be the same as everyone else? What then?
It’s easy for us to point in the direction of Hollywood and Photoshop as the ones providing us with unrealistic physical expectations. It’s not that these aren’t valid gripes, they are. But Anne Shirley was dying her red hair an unfortunate green long before Photoshop had a liquefy tool. Sometimes it’s easier to divert blame than to be introspective. We are the only ones responsible for how we look and how we feel.
So what do I want both my son and daughter to know about self image? I want them to know this:
You are not a supermarket magazine cover. You are you. You are beautiful. You are perfect. You are whole. You are beautiful because of who you are, because of how you choose to live. Some day, more than once, you’ll thank your lucky stars for those long lashes and perfect skin. But some day too you’ll know it’s not the sum total of who you are.
Know that beauty and strength, inward and outward, are synonymous. Learn that confidence is power and that power is intoxicating.
Realize that you were created with and for a purpose. Buy cute clothes, get good hair cuts, take care of yourselves.
Weep with those who weep and laugh like you mean it, even when you’re the only one laughing.
Share what you know with others but spend a good part of every day talking to yourself.
Carry an umbrella but dance in the rain.
Do what Grandma says and iron your clothes. Make yourself presentable and attractive. Feel good about what you wear and how you wear it.
Kiss babies, smile at blue-haired ladies and old men. Stay up late reading books, wake up early to good coffee and in the mood to compliment others.
Be gracious and kind to everyone, but above all yourselves.
Figure out your best asset and play it up. Show off that skinny waist and those buff biceps. Be proud of how you were made.
Mix and match patterns and stripes. Own classic clothes but keep something unexpected at the back of your closet.
Remember that it’s okay to be angry, that it’s okay to be mad. You are neither a robot nor the Tin Man. But make sure your anger is directed at the right place for the right reasons.
Pray.
Know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not mistake, you are not an accident. You are beautifully, wonderfully, extraordinarily you and I love you.
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